Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Another Post About Relationships! Kidding

Note: This post has absolutely no redeeming quality. So if you're looking for redemption, I suggest you go speak with Jesus.

People were not on my good side as I was driving to work this morning. The problem is, when people are on my bad side, it doesn't really mean anything other than that if you start tailgating me, I will drive five below the speed limit just to make you mad. (I know, super mature.) But tailgation (yes, tailgation) was not the issue this morning. Merging, however, was the issue.

In the beginning, I was trying to do the right thing by graciously allowing a person driving a huge SUV, whose lane was ending and needed to merge, (and who did not have a turn signal on) into my lane. But can I just say--those darn people who are so oblivious, so above stress or worry when sitting in their enormous vehicles with their nonchalant attitude, who just expect people to let them merge at the very last second like they're entitled to it...it all just aggravates me. I know. I have issues.

So this is me in my car this morning:

"Oh hey Jesus...bla bla bla bla..."--insert thought-- okay big ugly SUV without a turn signal on, I will let you into my lane even though you waited until the last second to even attempt to merge and my natural tendency is to want to make you suffer in your predicament and teach you a lesson. But go ahead, enter into my lane and live-- end thought-- (SUV begins to merge into my lane)

"So Jesus, as I was saying...Wait, seriously, you big pretentious SUV?! No wave of appreciation for me letting you into my lane when you waited until the very last moment to merge?! Screw you!"

Yes. Mid prayer, I yelled "screw you" out loud. As soon as the words came out of my mouth I was immediately like, Wow. Seriously Lauren? Did you really just say that? You need to give people just a tad bit more grace. And calm the heck down. 


What if Jesus was like me? "Wait, seriously Lauren? You waited until the very last second (again) to ask for my help when you knew all along you were eventually going to need it? Well, this time I'm going to make you suffer in your situation because that will teach you a lesson. I'm God...I deserve more respect than this! Furthermore, the last time I did help you, you barely gave me a nod of appreciation. Screw you, Lauren!" I am so glad Jesus is not like me.

In other car related news...the water pump in my car is broken. Consequently, I am now carrying around a gallon of water in my trunk. Yes. I am that person. The pathetic person you see on the side of the road pouring bottles of water into their radiator. The person that a small part of your heart feels bad for as you drive past--but if you're honest, you're mostly just glad isn't you.

Now, if only I could set up a system where the water that streams into my car when it rains could instead be funneled right into my radiator...

Someday I will have a car that is normal. Perhaps even a car that has carpet...?! I know, I'm getting a little crazy here. A girl can dream.

About Me

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This blog is basically how I de-stress from 1.) all the awkwardness I encounter and cause on a daily basis and 2.) life in general. You know all of those little situations and bumps in the road that you don't give a second that about? (No, you don't know, because you didn't give them a second thought.) Well, those kinds of situations tend to create existential dilemmas in my soul. So at some point I will probably give you too much in depth information on my emotional, spiritual, and mental health, because some self-absorbed part of me thinks you really want to know.

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