Meet And Greet? More Like Meet And Weap.

Confession: I dread the meet and greet time at church. Pathetic, I know. But seriously, what's the deal with acknowledging the body of Christ around us at church? What, like we go to church to be encouraged by the community of believers around us or something? (That was a joke.) However, I'm pretty sure that hell is a place where these supposedly uplifting "meet and greet" situations are constantly on repeat, and as soon as you think it's over, you're told to stand up and greet those around you. Again. And again. And again. Also on repeat in hell: "I am a friend of God." Oh the irony. (Because…well…apparently you weren’t. Weren’t a friend of God, that is.)

There are a few different handshakes that occasionally occur during these types of situations. For example, we've all experienced the "Jilted Lover" handshake. This is, of course, when you reach out to shake someone's hand, but they shake the hand of the person next to you first...and your hand is left dangling outstretched in the air. In that moment, you have a choice to make -- simply put you hand down and acknowledge the awkwardness of what transpired, or fake nonchalance and pretend that you always leave outstretched appendages suspended in mid-air. 

There is also the lesser known "Over Eager" handshake attempt. This is when, in your panic to be shaking someone's hand, you enthusiastically extend your hand/arm to a person seated five rows in front of you...only to come to the halting (and for some reason surprising?) realization that your arm is not, in fact, ten feet long and able to traverse such a great distance. Unfortunately in this case, once your arm is outstretched and you've made eye contact with the other individual, there is really no way to redeem the situation. Your best bet is to just laugh it off. Or shake your head while looking bewilderedly at your arm and mutter something like, "Weird...it was so much longer yesterday..."

But the most awkward church handshake experience of my life (by far) happened today. In fact, I'm pretty sure I created a whole new category in the awkward handshake department. Somehow, my friend and I ended up shaking someone's hand at the same time. Like, both of our hands in one of their hands. I honestly don't know how it happened. All I know is that something felt strange, and I looked down in horror to see that I had just inserted my hand into an already happening handshake. Time began to slow as I gazed down at our three hands entwined together and all I could think was, "Noooo...what--how...?! I don't even understand what is happening right now..." The poor man's reaction was simply, "Well this is new." Yeah...for you and me both, my friend...for you and me both.