They Make It Sound So Easy

Have you tried to open a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner recently? You know, the ones with those awful ridged caps that you are supposed to push down on (with the strength of Goliath, I might add) while simultaneously turning to the left, in order to open? Yeah, those suckers are impossible to open--almost as difficult as those new uber-flimsy water bottles with that plastic cap that is 1/16 of a centimeter tall that you are somehow expected to be able to grab onto to twist open….gosh I hate those stupid water bottles. Well anyways, a few months ago I found myself contemplating ending things with an incredibly sweet guy I was dating. I was frustrated with myself because I was wondering for the thousandth time if I might have unrealistic expectations of what I want in a guy. I was wondering if I push too hard. Wondering if I don't know what I really want and really need and wondering if I am just making mistake after mistake after mistake.

So there I was, cleaning my bathroom before this guy arrived at my house (because obviously I clean my house from top to bottom before I have company over and then apologize profusely for how "messy" it is so that people walk away thinking, "Wow, that is what she calls messy? It's so clean!") Anyways. As I was attempting to open a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner, I was thinking about the situation with the man I was currently going out with, as well as the handful of guys I have made attempts at dating in the past. I was frustrated with myself for always putting so much pressure on them to be this person that I want to be in a relationship with and frustrated that I push people to be someone that they are maybe not made to be. I was frustrated that people disappoint me, frustrated that I am so easily disappoint-able when I am so flawed myself, and frustrated for not being able to open the damn toilet bowl cleaner bottle already! Because for goodness sakes how difficult it is to open a bottle of cleaner?! Ugh. After several more attempts at perfecting the "push and screw" technique (and still failing to open the bottle) I gave it up for a moment. And through my tears of frustration, I looked down to see that my hands were now torn, blistered, and bleeding. Ok, not really. But they were pretty red. And I really was on the verge of tears. It was at this point that it hit me…. Oh. My. Gosh. I am doing the same thing in my relationships with guys as I am doing with this toilet bowl cleaner bottle. I am trying push and push and turn and apply as much pressure as humanly possible… and it is not working. Maybe, I thought to myself, maybe I need to stop applying so much damn pressure. Maybe lack of pressure isn't the issue. Maybe the problem is that I am pushing too hard.

I know.
Mind. Blown.

So, after this epiphany, I changed my approach. I gently cradled the toilet bowl cleaner bottle in my arms. I spoke lovingly to it as I gently pushed down on the bright blue "push and screw to the left" cap. And low and behold…it did not open. I was just like, Whatever. Screw this. But then, in a final act of desperation, I leveraged my entire body weight onto the bottle and pushed down really really really hard as I turned the cap. And it opened.

So, apparently the lesson is not that I am applying too much pressure…but in fact that I need to to apply more?

I'm kidding. I don't really think there was a lesson. I think it was just a really difficult bottle of toilet bowl cleaner to open. That being said, I do think that I could be applying too much pressure on certain people in potential relationships. Or, I might also be trying to date people who just aren't right for me and who I am not right for. I don't really know. But I guess the only way to find out is to try applying some pressure. And if that doesn't work, maybe I'll try a different approach and be a bit more gentle. If that still doesn't work, then I will probably take a moment to say a few choice words and then try something else. Eventually, if I'm really committed to having whatever it is I'm trying to have…be it a clean toilet or a relationship…I'll figure it out. Hopefully.

The real moral of this story is just that I have no idea about anything and I am just going to keep trying different things because like I said…I have no idea if I am doing this all the right way or wrong way or if there even is a right and wrong way. But one thing I do know is that I probably should not apply the "push and screw" concept to a potential relationship.