Have you tried to open a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner recently? You know, the ones with those awful ridged caps that you are supposed to push down on (with the strength of Goliath, I might add) while simultaneously turning to the left, in order to open? Yeah, those suckers are impossible to open--almost as difficult as those new uber-flimsy water bottles with that plastic cap that is 1/16 of a centimeter tall that you are somehow expected to be able to grab onto to twist open….gosh I hate those stupid water bottles. Well anyways, a few months ago I found myself contemplating ending things with an incredibly sweet guy I was dating. I was frustrated with myself because I was wondering for the thousandth time if I might have unrealistic expectations of what I want in a guy. I was wondering if I push too hard. Wondering if I don't know what I really want and really need and wondering if I am just making mistake after mistake after mistake.
So there I was, cleaning my bathroom before this guy arrived at my house (because obviously I clean my house from top to bottom before I have company over and then apologize profusely for how "messy" it is so that people walk away thinking, "Wow, that is what she calls messy? It's so clean!") Anyways. As I was attempting to open a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner, I was thinking about the situation with the man I was currently going out with, as well as the handful of guys I have made attempts at dating in the past. I was frustrated with myself for always putting so much pressure on them to be this person that I want to be in a relationship with and frustrated that I push people to be someone that they are maybe not made to be. I was frustrated that people disappoint me, frustrated that I am so easily disappoint-able when I am so flawed myself, and frustrated for not being able to open the damn toilet bowl cleaner bottle already! Because for goodness sakes how difficult it is to open a bottle of cleaner?! Ugh. After several more attempts at perfecting the "push and screw" technique (and still failing to open the bottle) I gave it up for a moment. And through my tears of frustration, I looked down to see that my hands were now torn, blistered, and bleeding. Ok, not really. But they were pretty red. And I really was on the verge of tears. It was at this point that it hit me…. Oh. My. Gosh. I am doing the same thing in my relationships with guys as I am doing with this toilet bowl cleaner bottle. I am trying push and push and turn and apply as much pressure as humanly possible… and it is not working. Maybe, I thought to myself, maybe I need to stop applying so much damn pressure. Maybe lack of pressure isn't the issue. Maybe the problem is that I am pushing too hard.
I know.
Mind. Blown.
So, after this epiphany, I changed my approach. I gently cradled the toilet bowl cleaner bottle in my arms. I spoke lovingly to it as I gently pushed down on the bright blue "push and screw to the left" cap. And low and behold…it did not open. I was just like, Whatever. Screw this. But then, in a final act of desperation, I leveraged my entire body weight onto the bottle and pushed down really really really hard as I turned the cap. And it opened.
So, apparently the lesson is not that I am applying too much pressure…but in fact that I need to to apply more?
I'm kidding. I don't really think there was a lesson. I think it was just a really difficult bottle of toilet bowl cleaner to open. That being said, I do think that I could be applying too much pressure on certain people in potential relationships. Or, I might also be trying to date people who just aren't right for me and who I am not right for. I don't really know. But I guess the only way to find out is to try applying some pressure. And if that doesn't work, maybe I'll try a different approach and be a bit more gentle. If that still doesn't work, then I will probably take a moment to say a few choice words and then try something else. Eventually, if I'm really committed to having whatever it is I'm trying to have…be it a clean toilet or a relationship…I'll figure it out. Hopefully.
The real moral of this story is just that I have no idea about anything and I am just going to keep trying different things because like I said…I have no idea if I am doing this all the right way or wrong way or if there even is a right and wrong way. But one thing I do know is that I probably should not apply the "push and screw" concept to a potential relationship.
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About Me
- Lore
- This blog is basically how I de-stress from 1.) all the awkwardness I encounter and cause on a daily basis and 2.) life in general. You know all of those little situations and bumps in the road that you don't give a second that about? (No, you don't know, because you didn't give them a second thought.) Well, those kinds of situations tend to create existential dilemmas in my soul. So at some point I will probably give you too much in depth information on my emotional, spiritual, and mental health, because some self-absorbed part of me thinks you really want to know.
Lauren - Judging from my experience, I tend to put too much pressure on people to change and grow - and I have to constantly remind myself that its not my job to change others. That being said, if you don't like who someone is exactly the way they are, and you are considering a relationship with them, its probably not the right relationship for you. I think maybe in your case its a little of both. At the end of the day, none of us know what we are doing in relationships. We try to follow the biblical example which seems like a balance of "unconditional agape love" (the kind we ask God for help with) and " emotional passionate burning with fire eros love, , and friendship love (also has a Greek name - Philia). All are important, the second is involuntary ("falling in love" or "deep attraction") the third is what keeps us close as friends and family - and the first is necessary to sustain a relationship. I LOVE YOU (the 1st and 3rd kind). And by the way. You are hilarious. I love your blog posts. I hope I can be like you when I grow up.
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