Antarctica

Left behind everything I knew
All the colors but bone-white and sky-blue
Hit the continent running
Engines were humming just to break through... (The Weepies)


So, today is a year since I left. Crazy crazy crazy. Over this next week I think I might post certain things I wrote while I was away. We'll see how much I actually put up on here. This first one is a mixture of things I wrote from the last four days I was in Italy. I am sure this is all super boring to you. Believe me, I don't expect any of you non-existent readers to actually read this. But for some reason, putting it up here...it helps me.

Today is Friday.  I just finished two days of graduation for the students in Udine and Valvasone. Last night was the Valvasone graduation and we spent the night at Tom and Maureen's. I am still at their house right now. Today is absolutely beautiful. From Maureen's porch I can look out over a whole bunch of fields and vineyards. I went for a short run this morning. It probably will be my last one here in Valvasone. Well, now it is noon and the obnoxious loud church bells are going off. I guess I should say "ringing" but it's not so much ringing as a crazy loud gong that goes on for 5 minutes and gives me a headache. Welcome to Italy--or Valvasone, at least. But that is all part of the beauty. I think.


I am trying to enjoy this moment and not thing about what i may have to face next. Four days until I leave Italy. As I was laying in bed this morning it started to sink in that I was actually leaving. I have very mixed feelings about leaving. My main reason for being ready to go home is that I will have more control over my life again--what I do or don't do, who I see or don't see, where I go or don't go. All of that has been out of my control for four months. I know that  part of this experience was about letting go...about not having control and trusting God. There have been times when I have felt the nearness of God in a way I never had before--it was in the moments when I completely let go of my right to myself. Honestly, I have hated every second of giving up control. Maybe it is bad that I am looking forward to having some of my control back? Maybe it means I didn't learn what I should have learned...