What?

Yesterday my mom basically told me to marry someone for money, above love.

What? Seriously? She justified it by saying that, "you can grow to love anyone". How horrible is that? Call me old school, but aren't you at least supposed to pretend that you would choose love over money?

Then she also proceeded to tell me not to marry a person just because I fall in love with them. Rather, not to marry the first person I love. Or the second. Or even the third, necessarily. I am definitely not even close to being in love with anyone right now, but still...what kind of advice are mothers giving to their daughters these days?

Honestly, I don't think my heart could handle loving someone...or more than one person, and then deciding to walk away--for whatever reason. I would rather not put myself in a position or situation where I could potentially love someone...until I am... sure?..sure it would work out?..sure I wouldn't get hurt or hurt them? I don't want to hurt another person just as much as I don't want to be hurt myself. I know I know. That is probably unrealistic. But that is kind of what I have tried to do all my life--stay uninvolved, not get to too close anyone or let anyone else get too close. It has kind of worked...and it kind of has not.

My mom wants me to be completely rational. Can't love be the one thing in my life that isn't a completely rational decision? Obviously I would want to be discerning, but I don't know that I want to be completely rational about love. If you are always completely rational and in control, is it really love? I think love should sometimes make you feel not so in control or rational. Or maybe that is just infatuation. I've read the Christian books about love vs. lust. vs. infatuation...  Believe me, I'm a good little Christian girl and I know all the Bible verses about what love really is. I know that love isn't about the feeling.

All I am saying is that I think that love is such a crazy thing that it makes us willing to lay down our lives for someone. Love is such a crazy thing that we are sometimes moved to set aside our pride and our desire to be right, for the sake of another person. Love is such a crazy thing that we strive to be patient and kind with someone when our natural tendency is to become frustrated and easily angered. Love is such a crazy thing that it makes us choose to put another person's interests and well being above our own. Love is such a crazy thing that it makes us willing to forgive another person, when it would be easier to stand on our soap box and count off all the wrong things that a person has done.

I've never been in love. Sometimes I wonder if it is real. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. (Song of Solomon 8:4) I've never understood exactly what that verse means.