FREEEEE

The power that whipped cream once held over me is gone.
That's right people. 

Let it be known throughout the world that the power of the whipped cream has been broken. 

You hold no power over me any longer, you Readi-whip whipped cream. 

For too long your creamy white bottle and red cap tempted me with promises of silky morning coffee drinks.

 As I passed you in the aisle of the grocery store on my way to the half-n-half, you would would mock me incessantly as you told me that my life 

(or, my morning coffee) would be tasteless--nay, meaningless--without you. 

And Like the young and impressionable shopper I was, I believed your lies.

I bought (quite literally) into the lie that cream and sugar in my coffee was not enough. 

But no more. 

I know. I am as surprised as you are, dear friend. I wasn't expecting this either. 

In fact, it has thrown me quite off guard.

I didn't know it was possible to feel this way...or not feel this way...about it.

But there was no denying the fact that, when I put it on my coffee this morning, the only emotion I could muster up was a lackluster/halfhearted "eh".

If I am being honest (and when am I not the epitome of honesty?) I was completely shocked by my own lack of emotion towards to the fluffy goodness.

My first thought was actually, Whoa--hold up. Is this how it feels when your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend calls you, or you pass them on the street, and you realize that they no longer evoke some deep sense of attachment or emotional connection in you...and when you think about your history and the memories and moments that were you shared...surprisingly enough, all you feel is a vague sense of "meh" which is quickly followed by this amazing sense of empowerment that makes want to scream "screw you, you little *** ***! I don't give a *** about your sorry--but quite adorable--little *** anymore!"

(Yes, I thought all of that. I know, my mind is kind of amazing.)

My second thought was, dang. I really need to get my language under control.

I mean, I am only imagining what that might feel like. 

Seeing as how I've not actually been in a relationship, it is all mere speculation.

However, given my history with whipped cream, I'm pretty sure it could be said that I was in a relationship with that stuff.